My Story - The Story of Steve G.

Background

I was born in 1963 and grew up in a town of 50,000 in the Midwestern United States.  My family consisted of one older brother (no sisters), my mother and father, and a number of beautiful pure-black German Shepherds which were also members of the family.  

My father had no real "father figure" growing up and learned to be quite self-sufficient.  He excelled in sports and got by in school so he could continue to play sports.  My mother was the eldest of five children and did much to take care of the family.

Early Childhood

I came from a family in which I never learned that I was OK just as I was.  I learned that my value came from doing things for others.  I had no real relationship with my father, and when I was 11 I stopped trying to get his approval.  At the age of 13 an older male took an interest in me -- a sexual interest.  Through our "encounters" I learned that I was acceptable/lovable as long as I was useful for sex.  Thus, sex became equated with love and acceptance.

I learned that lesson really well, and whenever I was feeling badly (or stressed, or happy, or sad, or angry, or really feeling anything) I would be sexual in some way.  Over time I got into pornography and masturbation, took indecent liberties with friends, voyeured and exhibited, and generally did almost every sexually addictive behavior.  It wasn't because I wanted to be sexual, it was because I was trying to fill the void in my heart (an alcoholic doesn't drink alcohol because he's thirsty).  Sex was the only way I'd ever been acceptable/lovable.

After my son was born I was masturbating 5 times a day and I couldn't stop.  It was either commit suicide or get help.  My wife and son had gone on a trip, so I called up a dear friend and asked her to meet with me.  We met and I told her everything that had happened to me and all that I could remember having done.  When I was all done (over two hours later) she didn't run away or call me a pervert.  She said "Damn, that must really hurt."  She validated my feelings.  I went to a therapist and then to a 12-Step support group similar to Alcoholics Anonymous.  That was around Father's Day, 1994.

Since then my wife and I have worked - and I mean really worked - on our recovery.  In January of 1997 we were on the verge of separation.  We went to some workshops put on by Dr. Mark Laaser and some of his colleagues (Faithful and True Ministries).  These workshops gave us the tools to save our marriage and to get us both on the path of recovery. 

God really came through for us during this time... giving us the strength and courage to work it through and stay together.  Our marriage is incredibly strong now... probably stronger than 90% of the marriages out there.  We stuck it out and we fought for our marriage.  It was not easy, but the difficulty was certainly worth it.

Oh... and both of us had to recover.  Two people in a long-term relationship are about as sick as each other (often in different ways, though).  After all, a person who is a lot healthier than another won't put up with the addiction/sickness for very long.

Anyway, that's a part of my story.  I'd be glad to listen to yours if you like.