RECOVERY RESOURCES on THE INTERNET

The following document was used in a presentation by Rich S. and myself (Steve G.) at the 1999 Fall Conference of the Colorado Service Group.

RECOVERY RESOURCES on THE INTERNET

A Workshop of the 1999 Fall Conference of the Colorado Service Group

October 2, 1999 in Lakewood, Colorado

Steve G., SLAA Boulder and Rich S., SLAA Denver, presenters

I. PROBLEMS for Recovering Sex and Love Addicts

A. Sobriety Problems with Online Porn

Images, sound, and text from 300,000 porn sites worldwide and 500 new sites coming online weekly

B. Sobriety Problems with Chat Rooms

Access to real persons for intimate conversations: flirting, seducing, making appointments for off-line meetings
Participation with disguised adults playing fantasy games of intrigue
Unknowing involvement with dangerous persons: a child, a police detective, a psychotic offender
Voyeurism: "watching", "listening" and getting high on the activities of others

C. Escalation Problems

An appearance of consequence-free experimentation
STD-free sexual encounters
Low-cost to no-cost sexual experiences; like phone-sex with no 900 charges
A private, easily hidden environment for exploration
Boundaries are easily crossed into more deviant arenas: child porn, bestiality, bisexuality, BD, S&M, rape, snuff
Likelihood of a rapid increase of frequency, intensity and isolation

D. Money Problems with Cybersex Abuse

Exorbitant investment in high resolution monitors, high speed modems, high speed computers for faster downloads and chat interface
DSL - Digital Subscriber Line expense
Monthly subscription fees paid via credit card to porn sites
Credit card impulse purchases of porn, sex aids, videos, audio tapes, literature via internet vendors
Cell-phone long distance expenses to avoid phoning internet lovers on family phone line

E. Corollary Problems When Visiting Internet Sex Sites

Unsolicited sex site SPAM appearing in one’s inbox
Other family members’ confusion, embarrassment or shock upon stumbling into the addict’s cache of porn or chat messages
Potential observation of what you are viewing on your computer via monitors at the ISP, and subsequent judgment by those persons, or by hackers
Possible law enforcement confrontation if child porn sites are visited even once and then erased. It is possible for skilled technicians to recover erased files from any storage media (hard disk, floppy or tape). A repair technician discovering child porn may feel legally or ethically bound to report you.
Possible confiscation of one’s computer with examination of all of one’s files by a law enforcement agency, if accused of some crime
An employer’s internet gateway or proxy server may be recording and examining all internet use and can track porn site visits to the computer used.

Š If you know of other problems, let us know so we can update this list (sarr_host@hotmail.com)

II. RECOVERY TOOLS

A. All The Normal Tools of the Program

Recovery plans and sobriety, step work, confidentiality & anonymity, meetings, sponsors, telephone & email contacts, journaling, literature, the 12 Traditions & 12 Promises, medallions & celebrations, service, a Higher Power
Throw away the porn and chat: delete files & addresses and trash printouts

B. Defining Online Boundaries For Self

Create an online Personal Recovery Plan with sponsor and revise until it feels right
Examine computer-use to reveal days and times of greatest vulnerability
Set bottom-line, mid-line and top line goals; include healthy "top line" computer use goals

C. Accountability

Bookend by phone with sponsor or friend before and after going online

Place your computer in a visible area

Invite sponsor or spouse to periodically review the cache of "sites visited"

Setup browser software so that copies of all email transmits automatically to your sponsor, spouse or boss

Cooperate with internet monitoring by your employer

Install Monitorware which tracks accessed websites, programs run and time spent on the internet; ask your sponsor or spouse to review it periodically.

Monitoring Software	Website
FamilyCAM	http://www.silverstone.net/html/familycam.html
Mom	http://www.avsweb.com/mom/index.html
NetSnitch	http://www.netsnitch.com/
Spector	http://www.spectorsoft.com/productinfo.htm
Surfing Spy	http://ourworld.compuserve.com/homepages/esmsoftware/sspy.htm
WatchDog	http://www.sarna.net/watchdog/index.shtml

D. Personal Support While Online

Bookend by leaving an email message to your sponsor at start and at close of each internet session
Create a personal ICQ listing of Program people as a supportive "presence" when online; it will provide instant availability of friends to ask for help
Setup your ICQ profile so that persons wishing information about sexual addiction recovery can contact you; 12^th stepping them will help you stay sober that day

III. ACCESS LIMITING DEVICES

A GREAT information source! http://www6.pilot.infi.net/~carolyn/guide.html

A. Install Censorware/Filterware in your personal computer

How it works… more or less

Figure 1 - Unfiltered access

Figure 2 - Filtered access

"Bad Word" list
"Bad Site" database
- Updates by vendor needed as 500 new porn sites come online weekly
Password-controlled:
- You will need it to be set by a program friend or sponsor
Some programs can be setup to email log-files to a friend/sponsor

Problem: can be overridden or uninstalled (locks only keep honest people honest)

Filtering Software Product	Website
Cyber Patrol	http://www.cyberpatrol.com
Cyber Snoop	http://www.pearlsw.com/
CyberSentinel	http://www.securitysoft.com/
CYBERsitter	http://www.solidoak.com/
CYBERTimer	http://www.solidoak.com/cytimer.htm
Disk Tracy	http://www.watchsoft.com/
Enuff	http://www.akrontech.com/
GuardiaNet	http://www.guardianet.net/home.htm
Kid Control	http://www.kidcontrol.com/
NetNanny	http://www.netnanny.com/
R.A.T. Control	http://www.armadillo.com.hk/ratb-eng.html
SafetyNet Website Monitor	http://www.sitecensor.com/
Smartfilter	http://www.sitecensor.com/
SurfWatch	http://www.surfwatch.com
Web Guardian	http://www.islandnet.com/guardian.html
WebChaperone	http://www.webchaperone.com/
We-Blocker	http://we-blocker.com/
WinGuardian	http://www.webroot.com/chap1.htm
WizGuard	http://www.guardone.com/
X-Stop	http://www.xstop.com/solutions/
ZeekSafe	http://www.zeeks.com/zeekSafe/zeeksafeMain.asp

B. Arrange filtering by a Proxy Server

Connect from your ISP to the internet via a filtering proxy server
How it works… more or less

Figure 3 - Through a proxy

Good: Can keep the same ISP (and address) as you are now using

Problem: Can be overridden by simply changing the filter criteria

C. Signup with an Internet Provider which provides Filtering:

How it works… more or less

Figure 4 - ISP Filtering

Good: Cannot be overridden

Things to evaluate:

Cost
Speed and local line availability
Their filtering focus/philosophy: does it match your needs?
Can it be customized for greater or less filtering?
Does it block/monitor email, chat, newsgroups, etc?
Can the user report additional sites for them to block?

Filtering Internet Service Provider	Website	Cost
American Family Online	http://www.afo.net/	$21.95
Cleanweb	http://www.cleanweb.net	$19.95
CyberSafe	http://www.cybersafe.net	?
Family Safe Media	http://www.familysafemedia.com/internet_filtering.html	$19.95
FamilyClick	http://familyclick.com/	N/A
FamilyConnect	http://www.familyconnect.com/promo/	$19.95
Integrity Online	http://www.iol10.com/	?
Mayberry USA	http://www.mbusa.net/index.html	$21.95
PAXway	http://www.paxway.com/ (read the FAQ at http://www.paxtv.com/paxway/faq.cfm#1a)	$19.95
This.com	http://this.com/	$21.95

D. Signup with an Email-Only Internet Provider

Free, because it is supported by advertising you will receive each time you logon
Basic service does not provide web surfing

Name	Website	Cost
Juno	http://www.juno.com	Free

E. Utilize an Email-Only Internet Device, not a computer:

Does not provide web surfing: no photos, sounds or website text
Great for recovery email lists, family correspondence...keeping in touch

Device	Website	Cost
MailBug	http://www.landel.com/	$170
MailStation	http://www.cidco.com	$99 or $149
Simpliance	http://www.simpliance.com/index.htm	$100 - $150

F. Install Special Web Browser Software

Most are for children; filtering is built in
Lynx is text-only and is available on a variety of platforms (eliminates problem graphics)

Browser Software	Website
ChiBrow	http://www.chibrow.com/informat.htm
KidDesk Internet Safe	http://www.edmark.com/prod/kdis/
Lynx	http://lynx.browser.org/
Surf Monkey Browser	http://kids.surfmonkey.com/company/default.asp
Surfin’ Annette	http://spycatcher.com/inform1.htm

G. Utilize Filtered Search Engines

Most are made for children

Beware: a quick test revealed some questionable items from these "kid’s" search engines

Search Engine	Website
AOL Netfind Kids Only	http://www.aol.com/netfind/kids/
Ask Jeeves for Kids	http://www.ajkids.com/
Awesome Library	http://www.awesomelibrary.org/
Crosswalk	http://www.crosswalk.com/
EdView Smart Search for Kids	http://school.edview.com/search/
Family WebFiles	http://www.familywebfiles.com/
Info Please Kid’s Almanac	http://kids.infoplease.com/
Kid’s Search Tools	http://www.rcls.org/ksearch.htm
KidsClick!	Http://sunsite.berkeley.edu/KidsClick!/
OneKey	http://www.onekey.com/
Saluki Search	http://www.salukisearch.com/
ThinkQuest	http://www.thinkquest.org/library/
Yahooligans	http://www.yahooligans.com/

H. Other Access Limiting Techniques

Eliminate all credit cards so you cannot purchase porn website-access or products; switch to ATM-only card or no cards at all.
During high-risk times (i.e., when newly separated or your spouse/SO is away), ask a friend/sponsor to temporarily keep your modem
If all else fails, prayerfully consider eliminating internet use altogether; cancel ISP subscription, give away modem. Go to any lengths… you’re worth it!

IV. DYNAMIC ONLINE RECOVERY TOOLS

The positive side of the net for all sex and love addicts, sexual co-addicts, and sexual abuse survivors

A. Online "Live" Meetings

1. IRC - Internet Relay Chat

Lots of networks

Real-time chat with people all over the world

Anyone can join most channels…if they can find the channel

IRC Software needed:

Mac - Ircle (http://www.ircle.com/)

Windows - mIRC (http://www.mirc.co.uk/index.html)

Windows - Pirch (http://www.pirchat.com/)

Weekly meetings:

Network	Server	Channel	Times (Mountain Time)
EFNet	irc.colorado.edu	#12Step	Nightly 7:30 PM
EFNet	irc.texas.net	#SLAA	Tuesday 9:00 PM
Starlink	irc.starlink-irc.org	#SCA	Tuesday 7:00 PM Thursday 7:00 PM
Starlink	irc.starlink-irc.org	#SLAA	Nightly 8:00 PM Mon&Wed: Step meeting Tue&Fri: Feedback meeting Thursday: Gratitude meeting Sat&Sun: Open sharing meeting
Starlink	irc.starlink-irc.org	#SAA	Monday 7:00 PM
Starlink	irc.starlink-irc.org	#SAA	Thursday 6:00 PM

2. Instant Messaging Software

Software Program	Website
AOL Instant Messenger	http://www.aol.com/aim/
Excite Pal	http://www.excite.com/communities/pal/home
ICQ	http://www.icq.com/
MSN Messenger	http://messenger.msn.com/
PowWow	http://www.tribal.com/
Yahoo! Messenger	http://pager.yahoo.com/

ICQ is arguably most popular; available on Windows, Mac, PalmPilot, Java, Alpha platforms

3. Other "Live" Groups:

Network	Channel	Times (Mountain Time)
AOL	A&R Chat - Discovery Journey	Sunday 6:00 PM Monday 7:00 PM

B. Online Delayed Meetings

Email Meetings
- Distribution methodology: 3 kinds of distribution

Shared address list

Everyone tracks the same list of names

Email is sent to everyone

Automated distribution

New users must request permission to subscribe

Server maintains list of subscribers

Mail sent to server, which sends it to all subscribers

Option for digest mode (concatenated emails)

Moderated distribution

same as Automated, but human moderator screens posts

Email List Name	Location
christiancrusade	http://www.onelist.com/community/christiancrusade
CIR-SLA	http://www.christians-in-recovery.org/resources/email/cir-sla.html
Co/Anon	coanon-subscribe@sarr.org
Codeps	http://www.angelfire.com/fl/scubadvr/index.html
DailyReflections	http://www.onelist.com/community/DailyReflections
GayMaleSexAddicts	http://www.onelist.com/community/GayMaleSexAddicts
NewLifeMinistry	http://www.geocities.com/~newlifemn/
OSA Email Group	http://www.onlinesexaddict.coom/listserve.html
Professionals in Recovery	http://www.egroups.com/list/professionalsinrecovery/info.html
SARecovery	SARecovery@ulster.net
SA-Women	http://www.onelist.com/community/SA-Women
Sex_Addicts_United	http://www.onelist.com/community/Sex_Addicts_United
SexAddiction	http://www.onelist.com/community/SexAddiction
SLAADigest	slaadigest@yahoo.com

For sex addicts For coaddicts

Newsgroups

Tens of thousands of newsgroups

Almost anyone can post; everyone can read

Can read it offline

Sex addiction recovery newsgroup [alt.sex.addiction.recovery.moderated]

Caution: many dangerous newsgroups also available via the same facility

Web Boards

These require that you be granted access; you’ll need a password to join the chat

Web Board Name	Website
OSA Chat	http://www.onlinesexaddict.com/chat.html
RCA Online Meetings	http://www.recovering-couples.org/scripts/rca/chat.cgi
SCA’s Online Meeting	http://www.sca-recovery.org/online.html

C. Online Recovery Reading Sites

12-Step "S" Fellowship sites:
- Co-SLAA
  - Codependents of S.L.A.A. [no website]
  - Reach via SLAA-FWS: slaafws@aol.com (781-255-8825) in Boston, MA (USA)
- COSA
  - Codependents of Sexual Addiction [http://www2.shore.net/~cosa]
  - Site Support: cosa@shore.net (612) 537-6904 in Houston, TX (USA)
  - Contact information
  - Self-assessment questions
  - COSA literature
  - Regional conferences, retreats, workshops
  - Email support group
- ISA
  - Incest Survivors Anonymous [http://www.cs.utk.edu/~bartley/other/ISA.html]
  - Support: via letter to I.S.A., PO Box 17245, Long Beach, CA 90807-7245
- RCA
  - Recovering Couples Anonymous [http://www.recovering-couples.org]
  - Site Support: info@recovering-couples.org (314) 397-0867 in St. Louis, MO (USA)
  - Daily meditations
  - Online meetings information
  - RCA literature
- S-ANON
  International Family Groups [http://www.sanon.org]
  - Site Support: sanon@sanon.org (615) 833-3152 in Nashville, TN (USA)
  - Self-assessment: 19 question checklist
  - S-Anon literature order form
  - How to phone for meeting information
- SA
  - Sexaholics Anonymous [http://www.sa.org]
  - Site Support: saico@sa.org (615) 331-6230 in Nashville, TN (USA)
  - Multilingual: English, Spanish, German
  - SA literature
  - Self-assessment questions
  - How to phone for meeting information
  - Quarterly newsletter: Essay
- SAA
  - Sex Addicts Anonymous [http://www.saa-recovery.org]
  - Site Support: info@saa-recovery.org (800) 477-8191 in Houston, TX (USA)
  - SAA literature
  - Self-assessment questions
  - Directory of SAA local meetings
  - Bookstore of SLAA and other helpful literature
  - Monthly newsletter: The Plain Brown Rapper
- SCA - Sexual Compulsives Anonymous
  [http://www.sca-recovery.org]
  - Site Support: scaiso@sca-recovery.org (800) 977-HEAL in New York City, NY (USA)
  - SCA literature
  - Directory of SCA meetings worldwide
  - Interfellowship information: contacts and news
  - Online meetings: email, topical, support
  - Quarterly newsletter: The SCAnner
- SIA - Survivors of Incest Anonymous
  [http://www.siawso.org]
  - Site Support: (410) 282-3400 in Baltimore, MD (USA)
  - SIA literature info: more than 50 titles
  - Article: "Effects of Child Sexual Abuse"
  - How to phone them for meeting information
- SLAA - The Augustine Fellowship of Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous
  [http://www.slaafws.org]
  - Site Support: slaafws@aol.com (781) 255-8825 in Boston, MA (USA)
  - Multilingual: English, Spanish, French, German
  - SLAA literature
  - Regional recovery conferences
  - Online sponsors
  - Bi-Monthly recovery publication: The Journal
  - Quarterly newsletter: F.W.S Newsletter
  - Long Distance Sponsor Program - Great if you don’t have a sponsor locally!
- SRA - Sexual Recovery Anonymous
  [http://sexualrecovery.org]
  - Site Support: (212) 340-4650 in New York City, NY (USA)
  - Questionnaire for self-diagnosis (24 questions)
  - SRA literature
  - Guide to the "Helping Professions"
  - Tri-state meeting list

Other Helpful Sites:

Heart to Heart Counseling Centers [http://www.sexaddict.com]
- Site Support: Heart2Heart@xc.org (817) 377-4278 in Fort Worth, TX (USA)
- Information by Douglas Weiss, author, therapist and recovering person
- Books, tapes, videos, newsletters by Weiss can be ordered
- Services of the center: counseling, phone counseling, three day intensives
- Help for sexual addicts, co-addicts and survivors

National Council on Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity [http://www.ncsac.org]
- Site Support: (770) 989-9754 in Atlanta, GA (USA)
- Information on: NCSA/C conferences, mission & goals, 12-Step groups
- Member directory of helping professionals across the USA
- Recommended reading citations, definitions, media contacts
- Papers and articles online; research position papers

Sex Addiction Recovery Resources [http://www.rmi.net/~slg/sarr]
- Site Support: sarr_host@hotmail.com in Longmont CO
- A "cataloging" website with over 400 links to sex addiction recovery information
- Stories and articles by 12-Step members
- Maintained right here in Colorado!

D. Online Sponsors - SLAA’s Long Distance Sponsorship Program

Need a sponsor?
Willing to sponsor?

Contact: ldspofslaa@slaafws.org
Website at http://www.slaafws.org/services/inforeq.html

E. Online Service Opportunities

Sponsoring, authoring & sharing personal stories of recovery, online meeting chair, website programming and maintenance, maintenance of online lists of local area "S" meetings, networking, writing and posting minutes from service group or intergroup meetings.

V. ACTION PROJECTS from today’s WORKSHOP

Š Enlist volunteers for the 1999 NCSA/C survey on "Cybersex Addiction"

Š Enlist new online sponsors for SLAA-Fellowship-Wide Services

Š New Colorado Online REcovery group ("CORE group")

Establish goals and possibly several groups: Colorado-only support meeting? CSG business? Colorado SLAA Intergroup business? Another intergroup?
Draft a guideline/ philosophy statement
Discuss whether to include bottom-lines in signature blocks so others are always clear about the issues of sobriety for which one is seeking support
Setup site: digest mode? or non-digest mode?
Discuss the password protection feature
Appoint a coordinator for verifying membership
Decided if various members would take turns "chairing" a month at a time
Establish start date to get underway and develop it as we go, subject to a "group conscience"

Š Request Articles for the SARR site

What would you be willing to share?

Š Write up a Summary Report from Today’s Workshop

to share online or "in print" with other "S" members.
to share with meetings and the fellowships elsewhere
to pass along to subsequent workshops like this one at future conferences
to share with professionals researching and writing about cybersex addiction

Steve G. at sarr_host@hotmail.com /or/ Rich S. at. sarr_mbr@mail.com 9/99